08-28-2002 - 2:06 a.m. - CRIKEY! it's a big one!

somehow, my insane msn banter convinced nikkers to call a lonely blonde american from all the way down under. with a little help from booga on international area codes, we were able to communicate orally.

boy that sounds wrong.

now, upon receiving the phone bill with our hour-and-twenty-minute conversation, her parents are going to have her whacked. originally the plan was 20 minutes max, but our rabid curiosity of each other's cultures got the best of nikkers' telephonic judgement.

our discussion had a wide range of topics, and I further proved that I am, in fact, a nutter.

I rubbed my lucky blockbuster legolas pin to calm myself, and then we chatted about lord of the rings, orlando bloom, tim freedman the yeti man, penii, aliases, drunken entries and the remorse everyone feels after, foster's supposed australian beer, the different pronunciations of my aluminum to her a-lum-in-i-um, the word "no", conan o'brien, the star spangled banner and my lack of knowledge thereof, scott, the export of australian assholes to california, call waiting background music, bob marley and the meaning of life.

I lied. there was no mention of the meaning of life.

just began to realize that we had an 80 minute conversation about pop-culture and how her family is skittish around strange americans like myself.

I swear, next time I will think of something mind-blowingly meaningful.

like orlando bloom playing with his package in his lordoftherings.net featurette. why didn't he wait until the cameras were off? what was going on down there? and phoebe's excellent theory that he was attempting world domination by sending the world's teenage girls into a frenzy by jimmying with little legolas on camera.

WE'RE ONTO YOU, ELFY MAN!